Money & lies....

It is hard to provide for my child....

I know there are people worse off than us, but it makes me furious to say over and over, "I'm sorry honey, you can't do "blah" because we don't have the money." 

Today, I learned that my son's friends are doing a special baseball team which obviously we can't afford and it is hard to face that I am not a man and no matter how much I work with him on his baseball skills - I'm just not a man who knows baseball - I'm a Mom who wants for her son.

There is so many activities with so many fees....our typical year: $50 for fall soccer, $50 for PTO, $25 for the classroom, $20 for Cub Scouts, $75 for CCD, $90 for flag football, $50 for basketball, $200 for spring baseball, $40 for All Stars & that is without equipment or not to mention my son's amazing ability to grow 4 sizes in 1 school year. This year he can't do most of that....I'm hoping for baseball....but in a small town where people who have money are sending their children off for additional training he won't be able to compete....

I sit outside in the pouring rain for baseball, I wipe his tears when his team loses, I stay up to wash his uniform when he has 4 days of games in a row and I have never missed a game, a practice or a fundraising event for his school, sports or clubs. I volunteer for everything - in hopes that what I lack in money, I can make up in effort. I hope someday when he is older, he remembers....and I hope for every parent out there who gives so much of their time and effort for their children because its selfless love that is given.

I don't know how a person who claims to love their child can do everything in his power to take so much from their child..

Lies are more important than his own flesh and blood - yet his own mother threatens my parents with having "provisions" for when he is older - Money might buy your own son's love - but not mine!

12 years ago today....

12 years ago today, I got married. I remember that day almost like it was yesterday. I remember all the fun I had dancing with my friends and my family. It was a big deal because I was the 1st person in the family to get married. I remember my little cousins looking adorable with my sister and the people in my wedding party are still the people I love most on this Earth. It was like a huge party of people I love and adore, but I don't think I got the actual marriage part because I don't remember much of spending time with the person I married.

My friends remember pieces that I had forgotten or just didn't realize. My ex requested "Under my Thumb" and dedicated it to me, I had asked the DJ not to play 2 certain songs which he requested and had played and while I was changing to leave for our honeymoon he requested a Metallica song that just wasn't appropriate. Thinking back now, its not something anyone who loves another person should do....I guess I was blinded by the idea of being married verses the reality that marriage isn't about the big day, in the white dress.....its what comes after that, that really matters. I didn't get married how I wanted to either. So, in my mind I have a lot to look forward to someday....

One of my cousins got married yesterday, she was my junior bridesmaid when I got married. This is how I know I'm not bitter, I can look at her happiness and the beauty of that day with a happy heart still filled with hope for a lifetime of happiness. Knowing the man she married has respect for her and also for himself. 

And so it is....

I got the orders from the court today.....I will be filing a motion to appeal - my alimony was temporarily suspended and the child support is going to be $300 per week (still doesn't cover our rent/expenses). I am sure that asshole is thrilled - anyway he can get out of giving me an extra penny makes his life complete.

Lies - I don't know _how_ people get away with constantly lying without it catching up to them - but my faith in the truth is fading.

More lies....

If you are going to post things on the internet have the balls to stand behind whatever it is you are writing about. My ex husband has posted many things to only deny that it was him.

Most recently, he posted about a car dealership on Yelp and now the account has been closed. The same reviewer had negative reviews about my NH lawyer and Cheshire Court which obviously linked the reviewer to being him (fancy that). Prior to that he wrote a blog that has also been made private because the Commonwealth of MA will hold him in contempt for his childlike behavior. Why lie about it?

In April, my ex husband did not show up to court for a scheduled hearing. He claimed he was having a medical procedure (I did say in court, "What was he having his head removed from his ass?") but instead one of my friends discovered this.....

Medical procedure, lying and being in another country - same thing right? It gets better.....I brought all of the paperwork to court Friday and now the trip was a gift from his mother for getting married, but they didn't get married until June 16, 2011 - according to my son, they also got married January 16, 2009 but apparently I should just get used to the constant lies.

http://www.moroccotravelspecialist.com/apps/testimonials/

Our trip was wonderful, especially traveling through the Berber country in Southern Morocco and its villages. The sandstorm in the Merzouga Sahara desert was certainly an interesting addition to the sunset camel trek. We definitely got our money's worth out of the blue turban headwear you presented as a gift! The people in Morocco are so wonderful, and it is a very special addition to the tour that Travel Exploration arranges whereby travelers have lunch with a Berber family between Merzouga and Ouarzazate. The three day Sahara tour was the most memorable of our trip. Thank you again for everything. W had a wonderful time and would most certainly recommend your services to many others!

Dave Thompson & Amy Pawle

Sahara Desert Merzouga Region Tour - April 2011

Now, do I care that they went on vacation.....not really. 

Do I care that my son asks to do things and I have to tell him no because of unpaid child support and because his father bold face lies to the court system and gets away with it..... Definitely! 

That being said....Do I know people far worse off than me financially because of their own deadbeat ex husbands or ex boyfriends or ex girlfriends or wives, absolutely! But when he has sabotaged my career by posting his own blog accusing me of all sorts of lies and also is not paying support it does make it harder for me not to be angry and resentful when he lies.  

Family & Forgiveness....

Almost a year ago I received an email....my friends yelled at me for responding to it - my initial thought was more of a WTF?!

This was the email I received after my ex husband went into Cheshire Superior Court and LIED to the Marital Master. The Master threatened to take action against which ever of us was lying (funny thing was, I wasn't worried because I refuse to lie because the truth of all this is far worse than anything fantasy could come up with). The end result of that lie he told was that my son went without a birthday party when he turned 7 years old & my local church ended up helping with our heating bill - yeah not the end of the world, but his father got $3K for lying...

From: Amy Pawle amy.pawle@gmail.com To: Kerri Thompson kerri.a.thompson@gmail.com

Dear Kerri,

I understand that this note may take you by surprise, and if I have startled you, I apologize, for I mean you no ill will.  I write simply to request that you stop trying to hurt my family.

I am a divorced mother and share my daughter with a man who I do not understand or particularly like, and that we have in common.  I have suffered abuse and pain at his hands and I do not believe that he is, in his heart, a good person.  This does not, however, change the fact that he is the father of my daughter, and thus we are inextricably linked.  I decided a long time ago to let my pain and hurt go and die with our relationship so I could continue my life unhindered by his caustic influence.

This is what I am also requesting of you.  I know that you have been hurt and for that I apologize.  But the only way to live happily is to live without that pain, to let it go and live peacefully without it.  You are the only person who has the power to do that, and it is incredibly liberating to forgive and move on.  I understand that this is easier said than done, but I promise that if you try you will be rewarded.

I know it's hard to let your son go into the hands of people you may not approve of, or think highly of.  But this is the way of things.  My ex-husband recently moved in with his girlfriend and I had a very hard time with letting my daughter spend time with them as a family.  It was not until I realized that the amount of love a child can absorb is infinite that I grew to accept this new person in my daughter's life.  Lucy loves her, but that doesn't mean that she loves me any less.  And his girlfriend's love for Lucy does not dilute the love that she and I share.  Love cannot be controlled and cannot be limited, the supply of love in this world is infinite and I am happy to share the love in my heart with your son, and indeed with you.

Please accept this letter as my appeal to you to let the love in your heart overcome the hate, I truly wish you the best.

Amy

Now....that seems kind of nice if you don't know the situation....

My response: 

Dear Amy -

  Why don't you re-read what you have written and think about what has

happened over the last 2 & 1/2 years. YOU hurt my family so anything

you want me to read or think about is beyond words contrite and

insulting coming from you. What I feel and what is happening has

nothing to do with my worry for B caring or loving you or Lucy - I am

fully confident in my role in his life. Your email is very

condescending and rude - you know 1 side of a 2 sided story. You don't

come to court and you even left your home with your child and mine due

to Dave's lack of  control over his anger - to that I am grateful -

however - Dave's anger has been like that LONG before I was part of

his world.

Dave discounts you and your "marriage" in court - you are _never_

there to witness it - What you are so willing to defend - he doesn't

seem to care - so welcome to what I went through almost 3 years ago -

except I wasn't stealing someone else's husband and going to their

child's skating practice and scheming to do all that. You talk about

pain - the only person being hurt right now is B - because his father

is abusive and sick - you enable that. B reports Dave yelling at Lucy

- you allow that - I have little respect for someone who would allow

their child to be verbally attacked by another adult. So _do not_

email - I place little to no value on anything you think or say -

because you are a hypocrite, an adulterer, and a liar who couldn't

even tell the GAL the truth. Where you in the car when Dave screamed

at B and called me a fucking whore? No - you weren't but B's

principal, his teacher and all his friends got to hear about it.

Classy huh? This is the man you bring to your family - church people

with faith - did you know Dave at a baby shower at a Catholic church

pretended to be given a blow job by a Virgin Mary statue - probably

not - I could go on - but I don't have to - I know the truth!

So I do mind that you emailed me - don't apologize because I don't want

because I am sick of the LIES - that's all this is about. That is what

YOU don't understand - I gave up so much and now I instead of moving

forward I get dragged into court over and over by Dave - when all I

want to do is move forward. He strives to pay as little as possible

and create court costs for me. Look around your house - do you see his

golf clubs, the laptop, the vw  wind guard and everything else - I

supposedly stole - yeah look at all the things I have done wrong - the

only mistake I made was marrying a person as sick as he is and being

tortured by his mental defects. You still have the ability to get out

and mark my words - you will regret it when you don't. So please don't

preach at me -  you have very little awareness of me or my life - to

which I am grateful because whatever lies you've been told are

probably nothing of the great person I am.

Karma - take a good hard look at the life you are pretending to have

and try to see reality. I'm not the person in the wrong here.

Kerri

OH! The kicker, is after SHE contacted me and I responded - my ex husband filed harassment charges against me for contacting his wife (which were immediately dismissed by the Marital Master).

I am well aware of the practice of forgiveness - however, I will not forgive bold face lies told solely so someone else can keep their money from their child out of spite.

GDIACF

Another celebration.....

Two years ago, Cheshire Superior Court ordered my ex husband to pay $5,000 for moving expenses for myself and my son to move. Again, a person working 2 jobs and making $120,000 at one and $100,000 at another was too poor to pay and appealed to the court and got out of paying. 

Thankfully, one of my best friends (behind my back!) contacted a bunch of our friends and on the day where she and I were going to just pack up some of our stuff - 14 of my friends shocked me by showing up to my house. Some of my favorite memories come from this deception, if anything it has shown me that regardless of what bad happens in my world my friends are there and they are a priceless collection of some of the most amazing people on Earth.

The story of the cake unfolds...

  

     On Sunday my friends came to helped me move (I still need to go back & get odds & ends but I have til Sept 15th to leave) I was struggling a bit - I was watching people throw my things into boxes and just completely overwhelmed by it all. One of the funniest comments happened when they took apart my bed and found a gun mag under the mattress (did I mention I married a psycho? more on that later!)

   Chris & Libby threw me in the car & took me to Market Basket to buy soda & then we were supposed to get pizza. well while we were at the store - 

Libby says, "Kerri - you deserve cake - lets go get one!"

So like idiots we run over to the bakery - we are looking at cakes - one was orange with flames, which was an on going joke between Chris & I because she plays WOW & one of the times I was over a friend of hers through the computer shouted "GO DIE IN A CAR FIRE" & since then I was hooked on the saying. 

The flaming cake wasn't chocolate, which is my favorite - so there was this pretty one with flowers & lil lady bugs - so I pick that one - then the kid (cute lil boy all of maybe 17) says, "what can I write on it for you?" 

I stare right at him and say, "GO DIE IN A CAR FIRE - that is what I want written on it" I think I broke his psyche 8)

He looked at me in panic and turns to his manager and says, "am I allowed to write that on a cake?!" & his manager says, "NO! I want to write it" & grabs a flaming red bag of icing & writes it on the cake - now we are laughing hysterically & anyone within 20 feet ratios of us is now involved - I mean we had people all around us hysterical - it was nuts. 

I carry it to the check out & the woman checking us out is all like "wow - what a lovely cake" and then reads the thing and looks at us and goes "oh my - who are you giving that to" and we just cracked up laughing & explained it was divorce therapy 8)

Nothing says friendship like flaming cake....

Seriously, that day was a defining moment in my life & I don't think I will ever forget or stop being grateful to my friends for being there.

Lies....

I often wonder what people get from lying....Silly thing to wonder perhaps considering we all tell some sort of lies.

"Oh that dress looks great!" (while thinking what was she thinking to yourself)

"I love cats!" (thank God I took my allergy meds)

I think white lies are mostly harmless, personally I would rather someone tell me the truth. But what I am really talking about are the lies that are so damaging they can cause a person to lose so much without any care for the person being hurt. Those lies are evil. 

I will admit, I am guilty of lying. I tell people I am fine all of the time, when really sometimes I am not. I have been going through a 3 year (seemingly never ending) divorce/child support/custody battle. But no one wants to be around someone miserable, so I make a joke about my feelings and laugh at how messed up things are. It's a great way of coping :)

Officially, I have been divorced for just over 1 year - I still remember sitting in traffic and sobbing happily hearing the news. My divorce made it all the way to the New Hampshire Supreme Court. August 18, 2010 is my new anniversary - it must be odd to think about celebrating something coming to an end but for me it is something to be celebrated.....I am just waiting to throw my party.

I had court today and I lost or I didn't lie therefore, I lost. My ex husband is behind in child support and alimony but he got "laid off" from his job in June and fell behind, to which I am not upset about. What I am upset about is the bold faced lying he has done throughout this whole mess. I lost 75% of my income and I have no buffer (largely in part to my ex husband writing a blog about me and defaming my character). I am scared for myself and my beautiful son who suffers from this divorce more than anyone will fully understand.

Lies are destructive 

Lies can be devastating

Lies will be caught

And when this is all over, all of the lies will be put out there for everyone to see...