There are many friends and family who kept me from going over to break into my ex's house to prove to the court he was lying - the lack of logic on my part. "Yes, your honor - I broke into his house and stole my stuff to show you that he was lying..."
Doesn't exactly make sense when I'd have to break laws in order to show the truth. My question is, is knowing in my heart, that my friends and family know the truth - is that enough?
I had a friend tell me that as this whole process was going on he really struggled with believing that my ex was doing as many of the bad things he had done. Fortunately, for me he saw the light and trusted me enough to be honest and share his thoughts with me.
Hell, my own mother struggled with the insanity.... Its sad when I feel that I need witnesses to prove that I am not making this stuff up.
October is a hard month.....
I will never forget Pumpkin Fest in Keene, NH - my ex lost the car keys and in a crowd of over 100,000 people beat himself in the head while screaming at himself. (Not one of his finest moments....) Meanwhile, my parents were there with a separate car and we lived 20 minutes away from Keene. The Pumpkin Fest had been a tradition I had been a part of since my freshman year of college; I haven't been back since he did that, its humiliating to be a part of something I have no control over but agreed to once be a part of.
He was arrested for passing a school bus and almost running over a neighbor's child in Rindge. That was the most ridiculous Halloween moment.....A police officer showed up at our home and served him, I thought it was a joke...
Then there was the 2 day circus on the final decree....He showed up in a Hare Krishna outfit with a black suit jacket on top of it. Yes, I have witnesses to back me up! His prayer beads were confiscated as a weapon on the 2nd day of the hearing. He lied the entire time, he attacked the GAL via a blog and she cried on the stand and asked for him to take it down - is it justice when you bully people to a point of ruining their career for your own personal gain?
I don't know how to push past all these lies and insanity and just be whole again. But I want to just move forward and be me again (whoever that is now....all I know is I immediately wonder what anyone new coming into my life wants from me and that isn't fair to them - but how do I not wonder that....).
Sometimes, I feel like this is an insane nightmare - and all I want to do is wake up...
He was arrested for passing a school bus and almost running over a neighbor's child in Rindge. That was the most ridiculous Halloween moment.....A police officer showed up at our home and served him, I thought it was a joke...
Then there was the 2 day circus on the final decree....He showed up in a Hare Krishna outfit with a black suit jacket on top of it. Yes, I have witnesses to back me up! His prayer beads were confiscated as a weapon on the 2nd day of the hearing. He lied the entire time, he attacked the GAL via a blog and she cried on the stand and asked for him to take it down - is it justice when you bully people to a point of ruining their career for your own personal gain?
I don't know how to push past all these lies and insanity and just be whole again. But I want to just move forward and be me again (whoever that is now....all I know is I immediately wonder what anyone new coming into my life wants from me and that isn't fair to them - but how do I not wonder that....).
Sometimes, I feel like this is an insane nightmare - and all I want to do is wake up...